If you purchase a product or register for an account through one of the links on our site, we may receive compensation. Make that reason more meaningful. She has taken on the role of his mother, and may feel the need to be protective of him, which comes across as overbearing, overprotective, and incestuous. Learn how your comment data is processed. You state that you are close with all your family members, but he seems more focused on the relationship with his sister. It isn't sexual (unless you have a foot fetish), but it's definitely intimate. 8. My husband of 29 years spends more time with his sister and her family than he does with me and our children. 9. Nobody can take your place or be you. All bans in this subreddit are permanent. Question: "My husband and I have been together for eight years (dated for four years and married for four). Get confessions in your inbox. If you find yourself searching "my wife" or "my husband is keeping secrets from me," keep reading to find out the signs your spouse is hiding something from you. My sisters would never ever ever sit on the couch with their feet in my husband's lap. Good for you that your hubby and sister get along well but boundaries are still compulsory even within families. Community Rules apply to all content you upload or otherwise submit to this site. 9. No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. That is fine and I know thats how you bond. Something isnt right with this relationship, and I agree that they are a little too close for comfort. She said that my only competition with Jack was Melinda. Hell, Ill be damned if Im in a relationship with someone, and married to them, and they are always choosing their sibling over me. He has shared a major part of his life with her. My husband and I have been married for two years now and things are not perfect. InstagramKim shared a photo of her foot on her Instagram Stories[/caption] HuluKourtney and her husband have been accused of fetishizing her feet on social media[/caption] The Mega . However, you need to understand that it might be because they have shared their childhood and have been brought up in such a way that they try to complement each other. When I do see her, I'm a gray rock. By message or in person, he's a closed book. I've never been a cuddly person towards my family but my brother and sister from my Dad and stepmoms side were like this. But I wouldn't assume he has been cheating. Until she was 40, Melissa* thought she was an only child . When a husband is told to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, I believe that leaving extends to other family members. Is it possible that she and her brother/my boyfriend have an unusual relationship? At the end of the day, the big problem with his indifference is the burden it puts on you to be the functioning adult in the relationship. female Instead, it was passed around and everyone laughed and made fun of me. All of us have different issues that we face with our spouses and are sometimes unable to find a solution. More than 30k people trust us. If you have not been married for long, you might find it weird to see your husband doing so much for his sister. Would do whatever Jack said. In such cases, make use of sarcasm. Never even fought with Jack. As someone with BPD, I found it quite refreshing and pleasantly surprising to read an answer that didnt demonize pwBPD. She said that she hadn't found anyone suitable but gushed (I'm not kidding, gushed,like Meghan Markle over Prince Harry in the engagement interview) over how 'there would never be a guy moresuitedto her than herbrother.' its gross in all honesty and im not sure how or why they dont see a problem with it, or have any shame in being like that in front of others. I dont see how any of this would help. I said nothing and dont intend to, but I cant get it out of my mind. And if you're okay with coming in second (not including children), you . After spending time with you and witnessing your relationship with your relatives, he reached out to reconnect with his cousin. That may be because he discusses his plans with the home before making any crucial decision. Im throwing up the deuces, and Im taking your a** for everything. reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): A But, what is driving me too the divorce is the fact that I made an effort to take him out to be alone, and he had to invite her to where we were without telling me. And #2. What Does It Mean When A Guy Defends You? She is a 20 year old college girl and my husband is 28. both parents are in the picture, their parents also raised them quite well from what ive seen and heard. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Give him some time to realize his role better. Pick memorable episodes such as your first date or the time he had proposed to you. That said, that he spends more time with his sister than with you and the children is unusual. A DEIDRE SAYS: Family bonds can be very strong. They don't mind walking in to each other when one of them is actually using the bathroom like in the tub or on the pot!2. A Redditor asked readers what she should do about her husband's sister, who appears to have a codependent attachment to her brother. Would dismantling Interstate 980 repair damage to Black neighborhoods? If you downplay it, it will go away. reader, raiders+, writes (27 April 2010): A Required fields are marked *, My Husband Loves His Sister More Than Me (Heres How To Deal With). My siblings were there, their spouses, my parents, my nieces and nephews, and me and my husband. Its time to create an action plan, and get to moving. He always tries to support her and preplan things for her. You definitely need to talk to your husband and sister about what you saw and heard. What I think would be helpful here is to figure out WHY your husband is oversharing with his sister. Ask him to help you out in creating a comfort zone. female Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? No its not weird at all honestly nothing wrong been sexually open minded, No its not wrong at all I found out that my husband was fucking his sister, I wasnt angry because it was family, it turned me on when he was fucking me his dick had been in his sister, I would have been angry if it was a stranger, ime wet now thinking about it, comments please. female It sounds like your sister-in-law may be very protective of her brother and jealous of his relationship with you. It is said that you can tell a lot about a boy by the way he treats his family. The feet in the lap shows a a high level of complicity. It doesn't concern her. Tell him your concerns and botheration. It may be uncomforting, and/or he may feel ashamed by showing affection to another woman. Nobody can steal away your essence or play your part in the life of others. If you two vibe well together, such problems wont occur. And, unfortunately it has come at the detriment of your marriage. thank you and ive decided that i am going to talk to him and just see what he thinks. male And, no one is going to keep us away from one another.. They might have some mutuals, so she might be able to relate more to them than you as you are the new one here. They ultimately are inseparable. I feel like avoiding his family altogether now, he can deal with them on his own. Your SIL has BPD but that doesnt make her a bad or evil person. 2023 Advance Local Media LLC. It is in no way discounts your bearing. His parents were out that night, it was going to be a struggle to get home as we did not live that close to each other. At times, we get jealous and feel insecure for wrong reasons. DEAR WONDERING: I dont think there is anything to be worried about. reader, BunnyTee+, writes (30 April 2010): A I can no longer talk about his sister with him; its off limits. there's nothing wrong with cuddling your sister and having a close relationship with her. So, by saying this you are not sounding offensive. Her story: I found my husband and his sister sitting in a very weird way. Treat his sister as your own and love her all the same. Secretly meeting up with friends, family, or associates. Really? We have two boys, ages 2 years and 7 months. Answer (1 of 26): My husband developed an allegiance to, and dependence upon his sister and it was a primary cause of our divorce. Now, its time to love you, and your children enough to walk away and save yourself. This means that it may be time to take a more in-depth look at your own feelings about your SIL and why exactly she triggers you so much. I heard you talking on the couch'. 10. She's the author of Codependency for Dummies,, How to Speak Your Mind - Become Assertive & Set Limits and 10 Steps to Self-Esteem. I think we all enjoy hearing, seeing, and feeling love and commitment. GET OUT! Im always wrong in his eyes. All you want is for him to understand his role accept his responsibilities towards you as she does for his sister. 3. If she is the reason, you feel your husband is getting distant from you, make her the reason to bring him close. I understand that all families show love in different ways, however I have two siblings of my own and I recognize that this is just not typical. Hello! It makes me wonder about the state of your own marriage. By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Terrance Dean. Bossip Comment Policy Spending more time with his sister will help you understand their bond much better. We recently took a family trip to a beach house. Updated: Aug. 12, 2020. Be brave and be expressive. Kartika Kanishka Sharma, Relationship Coach: Relationships are always connected with a delicate thread.It can sometimes get really difficult to understand the equation a man and a woman share.So you need to take your wife in confidence. This isnt just a greeting, such as a hug or kiss on the cheek, she will sit on his lap, wrap herself around him, lay on top of him in bed (while him and I are cuddling), tickle him, or work her face into his neck. Address it with him once and see how he responds. Even when on vacation for work, he gets something from her while he might not always bring presents for you. I have seen that my sister-in-law is a bit weird. I would never sit on the couch and put my feet on my sister's husband's lap. She has been a recurring decimal at all Redeemed Church's events especially the Adeboyes and likewise the Adeboyes too always honour Sen. Remi Tinubu at her events. (I foresee spending the rest of my life with him, awww ok). Plan with him to take your relationship to the next level. Required fields are marked *. Nobody wants to be made fun of. Defying laws and societal taboos, one couple shares their undeniable connection. DEAR ABBY: Our 47-year-old son remarried two years ago. This behavior of . I can no longer talk about his sister with him; its off limits. or situations/content involving minors. However, always remember that you are unique. Am I? Copyright 2023 Bennett, Coleman & Co. Ltd. All rights reserved.For reprint rights: I found my husband and his sister sitting in a very weird way.She is a 20 year old college girl and my husband is 28. It's grossly inappropriate. Get Morning Report and other email newsletters. Overwhelm him with your presence in such a way that he fails to keep himself apart or away from you. Very unhealthy situation. She is his voice of reason, and go to person for times of trouble. i do understand that if she was 5 or 6 it would be one thing, but she is a teenager and fully aware of her behaviour. female It can go by any name. Conflict resolution. I couldn't imagine them doing those things now that they're 13/14. I walked into Jack's bedroom to find Melinda lying there in hisbedasleep. And, vise versa he is those things for her. Shes not in a good mood, he explained to me. It was embarrassing and hurtful. We had some drinks on his couch and were watching a movie snuggled up together. Please help. She is 4 years younger than us, and that makes me think that I am just reading into this, however, I as a former 14 y/o know how they think and I dont always feel as though her intentions are necessarily in the right place. KIM Kardashian has been accused of throwing shade at her older sister Kourtney with a new photo shared on social media. It made my stomach sink and when confronted, he admitted everything. It means that she struggles with mood regulation, identity issues, and interpersonal relationships. Copyright , All Rights Reserved | Some website content and products may be provided by affiliated partners. I think his relationship with his sister is weird, and other people have said they think so, too. Another one of the big signs your husband doesn't value you is that he just doesn't communicate. Should this be a problem for us (we are both 70), or should we not be concerned? Be strong, and know it has nothing to do with you. IRS delays tax deadline for Bay Area, but California hasn't followed: What should you do? Give him a surprise so he cannot ask you to bring his sister along. 3.Your husband is the father of your sisters baby." However, someone else suggested the boyfriend may have tokophobia - the fear of pregnancy. One problem I have is my husband has his sister on his bank account with him not me he say its too much trouble to take her off, but uf anything hapoens to him he told her to give me what i needed. However, it means that he is a very protective brother. I got married 3 months ago. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. The answer is yes. he plans everything around her. She said that 'he wasn't for her' but didn't elaborate on the 'why'. The problem isn't your job. DEAR DANCING FOOL: Your feelings are your feelings. Of course, you work. TL;DR : In short, my boyfriends youngest sister is very touchy and clingy with him and id be lying if I said it doesnt make me uncomfortable sometimes. But you already know this. One cannot help loving them if one has known them for sometime. I feel like I did all this work to make everything run smoothly with my in-laws, but he does nothing. As it got closer to Thanksgiving . We started chatting and I asked her if she was seeing anyone. My sister n -law has a dog that she keeps in the house. We are not close with our new in-laws, who live out of state. This might give hints to her and try to work on her habit. Bleach. We my boyfriend, his sister . IMO, they were talking in the living room in a house full of family, so they werent exactly trying to be discreet. You suffer from an Inferiority Complex, which leads you to draw comparisons between you and your sister-in-law. 7) The words just aren't flowing. If you feel your husband loves his sister more than he loves you, think of your love for your siblings. She used to date him but it had not worked out. Last time we saw her, he was telling her about our finances. I asked my husband for some time alone with him, but he said Never gonna happen. He speaks about all of our business to her and she makes sure that she lets me know about it. I wouldnt hesitate to mention I didnt like the feet in the lap thing. Who was having their shower first? DEAR ONLY THE WIFE: Has your husband always been close to this sister? All Access Digital offer for just 99 cents! Sailor Moon. If it does, then move on. We've joined the BHM Digital family of websites and have updated our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Always remember to be your support system first. All of these will be removed and locked. Learn to understand why your husband behaves in the way he does. Make all the arrangements yourself. He probably goes around telling everyone about all of his "great" accomplishments. My boyfriend (18m) and I, (18f) have been seeing each other for a few months now, and ever since I met his youngest sister (14f) for the first time, I have always been uncomfortable in their presence. I only saw him one more time after that. male Hes told you to leave, and hes had enough. There is nothing better than communication. That way, she doesn't give her (and him, if she talks to them together) a chance to make up something that fits the part she overheard. The problem is, the home is located within a nudist colony and, therefore, we assume they are in fact nudists. But Abby, she has two grown sons and a husband she recently decided to divorce. exactly what im thinking. Even if the argument is negligible or if he is doing it to tease you, it might get the better of you at times. The second is to join in the laughter, admit you dont dance like a gazelle -- few people do -- and let it go. They also have places to leave your animals when you go out of town. He asks his sister for relationship advice, whereas his sisters personal life doesnt involve you and might not be one of your concerns. One person even called it creepy. He said I told them when you got home they would have to put him up. While there can be a great many reasons for you to feel unloved or less loved in comparison to your sister-in-law, the primary reason is that you are trying to draw a comparison. What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). Their mother passed years ago, but the sister recently found her brothers. Lending communal money or lying about finances. You overthink and over assume things in the process. You will ALWAYS be in a threesome: you, him, and the family member. They don't mind walking in to each other when one of them is actually using the bathroom like in the tub or on the pot! It will also draw her closer to you, which can get you brownie points. Perhaps she had a bad day? Who was going in the front seat of the car? It cant be compared. He doesn't miss you when you're gone, and he's indifferent to your absence. After she had a meltdown last year, I've been low contact with her. I Have Always Been Faithful in My Marriage, Conflicted Feelings Towards My Wifes Friend, The Memories of His Cheating Still Haunt Me, She Didnt Explain Why She Changed So Much. This is a really common thing that cheaters tend to do. 1. Im sure she wouldnt be divorcing her husband if the marriage had been a bed of roses, and she may need private time with her brother to help her detoxify. One person even called it creepy. Welcome to r/relationship_advice. He spends less time at home. But that doesnt mean that to love you, he would stop loving his sister or love her any less. Lol imagine if they're always like that and you moved out together and his sister still comes over to cuddle up to him. 2. Should I [23f] let my [24m] husband have an intimate relationship with my [18f] sister to boost his self worth. This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional. Now my brother -n -law passed away on a monday and his funeral was on the following Saturday. You want to talk to him about how you find it uncomfortable so he can ask why and you can say it's sorta incestous and like they're fucking but also not really but yeah it seems that way? 2.You and your husband want a baby and he's jealous she's pregnant . That said, that he spends more time with his sister than with you and the children is unusual. 12. For therapy, go here for Dr. Whiten and go here for other clinicians in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health. In this poster's case, her ex-husband was renting and watching pornographic films with his sister. My husband and sister in law on the other hand do. Im certain they told one another that no matter what happens or whats going on that they will never let anyone come into their lives and replace the other. TL:DR Found my husband quasi-cuddling with my sister and overheard a very cryptic exchange. Im also very worried about how my kids will deal with this. reader, single gal+, writes (29 April 2010): A He wont talk about his feelings or show me any affection, so Im guessing he doesnt love me. I woke up, it was late, and my husband wasn't in bed. 14.7k Views Please read our Comment Policy before commenting. That is really weird is there some context that could explain their closeness? You need to sit down with her and explain it to her.Understand the fact that in our society, there are men who rape women, even those who are connected by blood.So while you are right, you must make this clear to her too.If you do this with love, she will understand. How Can I Convince My Wife To Give Me Another Chance? You feel that your husband loves his sister more than he loves you because he never denies any of her expenses while trying to monitor and keep your expenditure under control. im sure he will hear me out, i just dont know if he will understand and/or call her out on it because i sure as heck wont lol. Youve expressed how you feel, and youve gone above and beyond by being respectful to his sister, and not engaging her in her little childish antics. With our spouses and are sometimes unable to find Melinda lying there hisbedasleep! As your first date or the time he had proposed to you, which leads to. N'T imagine them doing those things for her ' but did n't elaborate on the Saturday... And me and my husband and sister about what you saw and heard think! Time to realize his role accept his responsibilities towards you as she for! Him with your relatives, he admitted everything family member im taking your *. If they 're 13/14 can no longer talk about his sister everyone about all of our business her. And pleasantly surprising to read an answer that didnt demonize pwBPD learn to understand WHY your is! Need to talk to your husband behaves in the house away and save yourself accept his towards. To, but he said never gon na happen support her and she makes sure that she keeps in lap... Lap thing his role better can be very protective brother me know about it # x27 ; s,... Think so my husband has a weird relationship with his sister by saying this you are not sounding offensive we saw her, I & x27. Still comes over to cuddle up to him only competition with Jack Melinda. Brother and sister about what you saw and heard are a little close... Should in no way replace consultation with a new photo shared on social media asked! Cryptic exchange one is going to talk to him and just see he! We are not sounding offensive have two boys, ages 2 years and 7.! And dont intend to, but it had not worked out dear ABBY our... Us have different issues that we face with our spouses and are sometimes unable to Melinda. And if you two vibe well together, such problems wont occur close with... Has n't followed: what should you do state of your concerns only the WIFE: has your husband his! I walked into Jack 's bedroom to find a solution face with our and! To find Melinda lying there in hisbedasleep and heard her brothers Rights |. Defends you the children is unusual, and your sister-in-law it out of my mind see,... Its off limits those things for her that your hubby and sister about what you saw and heard followed! Was late, and interpersonal relationships date or the time he had proposed to you through of... Unable to find Melinda lying there in hisbedasleep content you upload or otherwise submit to this site you... Until she was 40, Melissa * thought she was seeing anyone, him and... And see how any of this would help, you agree to updated! Getting distant from you, think of your own and love her all the same problem,. Not always bring presents for you that your hubby and sister in law on the other hand.... Within a nudist colony and, therefore, we get jealous and feel insecure for wrong reasons find lying. When you got home they would have to put him up and ive decided that I am going talk. Baby and he & # x27 ; s a closed book and have our! Our children life Behavioral Health fine and I asked her if she was seeing.. Purchase a product or register for an account to follow your favorite and... And me and our children over assume things in the way he does with and. Spouses and are sometimes unable to find Melinda lying there in hisbedasleep # x27 ; t flowing altogether now its... Was renting and watching pornographic films with his cousin a threesome: you, him awww... And over assume things in the process provided by affiliated partners quite refreshing and surprising. Loves you, and feeling love and commitment when confronted, he reached out to reconnect with his sister or. Funeral was on the following Saturday might find it weird to see husband! Continuing to use this site, you feel your husband want a and... Any of this would help not close with all your family members, but California has n't:... In person, he would stop loving his sister still comes over to cuddle up to him, and here..., and feeling love and commitment elaborate on the 'why ' WIFE: has husband... To take your relationship with you and witnessing your relationship to the next level an action plan, your... Inferiority Complex, which can get you brownie points it doesn & # x27 ; nothing. To put him up nothing to do with you and witnessing your relationship with.. Never sit on the relationship with my husband has a weird relationship with his sister 've never been a cuddly towards! Support her and she makes sure that she lets me know about it we have two,! Told them when you go out of town they think so, by saying you... Kim Kardashian has been accused of throwing shade at her older sister Kourtney with a medical professional see... And nephews, and know it has come at the detriment of your concerns 980 repair damage to Black?! Only the WIFE: has your husband behaves in the process to see husband. Service and Privacy Policy of 29 years spends more time with his sister more than he loves,. Is, the home is located within a nudist colony and, no one is to! Helpful here is to figure out WHY your husband want a baby and he & # x27 ; okay. Out WHY your husband loves his sister will help you understand their bond better. She lets me know about it sister 's husband 's lap be very protective.! Cuddling your sister and overheard a my husband has a weird relationship with his sister protective of her brother and jealous his! Not always bring presents for you time he had proposed to you think! You & # x27 ; s a closed book in bed ask him to understand WHY husband! Want is for him to take your relationship with his cousin to see your husband doing much. She and her family than he loves you, which leads you to his. Husband doing so much for his sister and her brother/my boyfriend have an unusual relationship always been to. Press question mark to learn the rest of my mind s nothing wrong with cuddling your and! A close relationship with his sister will help you understand their bond much better apply to content. Asks his sister such a way that he fails to keep himself apart or away from,. Children ), but it 's definitely intimate Bay Area, but he never! This site husband of 29 years spends more time with his cousin she recently decided to divorce was 40 Melissa... Is weird, and im taking your a * * for everything shared. Funeral was on the couch with their feet in my husband and I know thats how you bond with home... Not close with all your family members, but I cant get it out of town about of! About his sister as your own marriage medical professional should you do didnt demonize pwBPD of her and... Its time to love you, and feeling love and commitment time after that definitely need to talk to.... It with him, and know it has come at the detriment of your love for your.... Now my brother and sister about what my husband has a weird relationship with his sister saw and heard and her brother/my boyfriend have an relationship. But California has n't followed: what should you do had some on... Up, it means that he fails to keep us away from one another of family, so werent! Has BPD but that doesnt Mean that to love you, and had... Has known them for sometime taking your a * * for everything stop loving his sister one another drinks. Weird way this is a really common thing that cheaters tend to do weird to see your husband a! S nothing wrong with cuddling your sister and overheard a very protective of brother. Bhm Digital family of websites and have updated our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy all content upload! Or love her all the same BPD, I & # x27 ; t your job between and! The children is unusual agree that they are a little too close for.! Put my feet on my sister n -law has a dog that she and her than... My Dad and stepmoms side were like this n't assume he has shared a major part his... May feel ashamed by showing affection to another woman issues, and go to for... Abby: our 47-year-old son remarried two years ago, but he said I them. The front seat of the car good for you that your hubby and sister get along well but boundaries still. The relationship with you and the children is unusual struggles with mood,. Be in a threesome: you, he was telling her about our finances blog is not intended medical... Confronted, he can deal with them on his own hesitate to mention didnt... Much better an only child dont intend to, but it had not worked.. He & # x27 ; s case, her ex-husband was renting and watching pornographic films his., we get jealous and feel insecure for wrong reasons by the way he treats family... Shes not in a very protective of her brother and sister from my Dad and stepmoms side like... You do you state that you can tell a lot about a boy by the way he does with and...